Too Good to Be True
2018 was a year to remember. I write that with the biggest smile on my face. So many years of planning, prepping and praying led me to some exciting moments that I will forever remember. Moments all tied up in a pretty, little bow. Moments full of joy and strength and confidence… a stark contrast to the current year.
Prior to this bout of sickness, I was healthy. No ongoing medical issues, apart from daily exhaustion and the anxiety that comes with raising 3 gorillas on speed, disguised as adorable little boys.
After having 3 pregnancies, 3 c-sections, and years of being a milk-machine, my body was mine again. All mine. For the past 9+ years, I had been so focused on conceiving, carrying, birthing, nurturing. And now I was focused on ME.
I bought myself this prayer journal with the intention of finding my self-worth again, apart from who I was as a mother. Coincidently, the key verse on my first journal entry on 12/30/2017 was Luke 12:7.
My resolutions for 2018 included: a fresh perspective, time to breathe, and more intentional relationships. I had just started taking Prozac for my anxiety and felt like I was finally capable of conquering stumbling blocks rather than running from them.
Since becoming a parent, I had wasted so much time trying to CONTROL - from birth plans to sleep schedules. I desperately wanted to be one to “go with the flow” but I was quite the opposite. For the sake of my own sanity (and of those around me), I needed to be able to live without a plan and to trust the wind.
I was turning 35 this year and, for some reason, that felt like a big milestone. It was about time for me to feel more comfortable in my own skin.
The idea of joining a gym or training for a 5K or going on a diet had NEVER appealed to me in the past. So when Dan, who’s always been more health-conscious than myself, suggested starting a Keto diet, my first instinct was a hard no. A very low-carb diet sounded like a death sentence but, I love my husband… and figured I could always quit if it got too hard. To my own surprise, I lost almost 20 pounds in 3 months!
Then when one of my best friends asked me to join Jazzercise with her, I couldn’t turn her down. I even completed the Jazzercise February Challenge - 25 classes within only 28 days!
Truth be told, the idea of wearing a bathing suit beachside with my closest friends is what really kept me focused on the end goal. Cabo was only a few months away!
May 25, 2018 would be our 10-year wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had invited some of our most favorite couples to join us in Mexico while we renewed our vows. Renewing our vows is something Dan and I do every year on our anniversary as a reminder of what “this” is all about. But this year was going to be different.
You see, when we got married in 2008, Dan wasn’t a believer. And truthfully, I was living my life as if I wasn’t either. In fact, when we first began dating 18 years ago, at the young and naive ages of 18 and 21, I decided to step away from the church. I said it was because “I had only ever heard one side of the story.” But really, I think it stemmed from the fear of being “unequally yoked” and how that would play out in our relationship. So our wedding wasn’t in a church, was officiated by a random guy I found on the internet, and purposefully did not include any Bible verses. Well, except the traditional “Love is patient and kind” verses from 1 Corinthians, strictly to appease my mother. It was clear that God was NOT invited to our wedding, much less our marriage.
Apart from the physical and logistic preparations for Mexico, there was one very pertinent detail that was missing: I desperately wanted our 10-year vow renewal to include God. I wanted to finally invite Him into our marriage, into our family, into our home.
For years, I had prayed that Dan would see the need for Christ. Coming from an agnostic/atheist way of thinking, I knew this would be no easy task. But I believe in a God capable of changing the most hardened of hearts. So when the idea of being baptized as a family first entered my mind, I was hesitant to bring it up. Sure I could get myself baptized, along with our 3 boys, but Dan would NEVER commit to that… would he?
Y’all, the power of prayer is something fierce.
I’m not sure at what point Dan’s ears were opened and his heart softened but when he agreed to meet our pastor for lunch to discuss the possibility of being baptized, I was positively giddy. It was during our time together that I heard one of the truest statements about Christianity.
““Believing in Christ and being a Christian looks different for everyone - no two journeys look alike.””
Being baptized was not in any way an end goal for someone who has it all figured out but rather the admission of “I may not understand everything about what being a follower entails and I may have doubts, but I’m ready to figure it out alongside the One who made me.”
On Mother’s Day 2018, our family of 5 was baptized by our pastor, in our home church, in front of our family and friends. It was one of the best days of my life. I remember looking out into the congregation and seeing the faces of so many people who had prayed for our family over the years - fellow believers who believed that BIG things could happen even when I doubted.
Just 3 weeks after our family’s baptisms, Dan and I stood on the beautiful beach in Cabo and renewed our vows.
“Christine and Dan, when you first joined hands and hearts in marriage 10 years ago, you did not know where life would take you. You promised to love, honor and cherish one another through all things. Life has surely brought you both wonderful blessings and difficult challenges over the years. But here you are today, having fulfilled the vows you each made on your wedding day. As you celebrate here today, and as you reflect back over all the years as husband and wife, do you now wish to reaffirm the vows you took 10 years ago?
We do.”
“Eternal God, without Your grace no promise is sure. Strengthen Dan and Christine with patience, kindness, gentleness, and all other gifts of Your Spirit, so that they may continue to fulfill the vows they made 10 years ago and have reaffirmed here today. Keep them faithful to each other and to You. Fill them with such love and joy that they may enjoy a home of peace. Guide them by Your Word to serve You all of their days. In Your Name we pray, Amen.”
By the end of 2018, I was in the best physical and emotional state of my adult life. And truth be told, I don’t think I could have survived the LOWS this year has brought me had it not been for the HIGHS of last year. Looking back, I now see how God was strengthening me to prepare me for what I would soon be facing… and that gives me such an unexplainable peace. Because I know that God has everything under control.
