The Christmas Blues
Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. The anticipation, excitement, sights & sounds, and overall merriment truly make it the most wonderful time of the year.
I have very vivid memories of Christmas as a child. From decorating the tree while listening to the Christmas album by Mahalia Jackson to attending candlelight Christmas Eve services at church; from making our family-favorite cookie recipes to setting up the nativity scene and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life”.
When you become a parent, holidays - and especially Christmas! - change a bit. Experiencing the magic through their eyes and making new traditions as a family is now probably my most favorite thing. We’ve established The Douglas Christmas Explosion Day and it’s BY FAR one of the most anticipated days of the year. The weekend after Thanksgiving is our official Christmas-unboxing day: we decorate the tree, bake our first batch of cookies, drink hot cocoa fireside (even though, here in Texas, it ranges from 50-85 degrees around that time of year), watch our first holiday movie, write our Christmas lists, wear our matching family pajamas (sorry, Dan), and listen to Christmas music from morning till night. It’s a good day.
Except that the past few Christmases have been hard.
5 years ago, I had a miscarriage… on Christmas Eve. I had gotten a positive pregnancy test around the first of December and, rather than immediately sharing the news with our families, we decided to surprise them with matching Christmas ornaments announcing our exciting news. For obvious reasons, those ornaments were never handed out. Instead, I suffered in silence and told no one.
4 years ago, I was very pregnant with baby Isaac. Though his due date wasn’t until January 10th, I suffered from prodromal labor starting at the beginning of December. Induction wasn’t safe, since I was trying for a VBAC, so I had to naturally wait for my body to go into labor on its own. And it did… every night from around 9 pm until 2 am: contractions every 5-7 minutes amounting to absolutely NOTHING by the morning. I was definitely not exuding Christmas cheer.
3 years ago, after just having hosted my winter piano recital, my youngest student died in an awful accident. She was 5 years old. I had taught her entire extended family for years, including her older brother and sister. I was honored to play at her funeral, which took place on Christmas Eve. Grief was the main emotion felt during that season.
2 years ago, sickness invaded our home. From strep throat to the flu, our family was plagued for almost the entire month of December.
And 1 year ago, I was battling a sinus infection and ear infection (that eventually turned into the “sickness” I so often speak about).
This year was different… I stopped trying so hard. I stopped cramming the season with a never-ending to-do list. I let a lot of things go by, such as family portraits and the pressure of sending out Christmas cards. In fact, we didn’t even attend the Christmas Eve service at our church, namely because my littlest love was battling croup. I tried really hard to focus on the REAL joy of Christmas - time with my family and friends, and thankfulness for the birth of our Savior.
So I challenge you to give ~ G R A C E ~ to those of us who are not as merry as others. Whether you’re battling the first holiday without a loved one, unemployment, distance from your family, or general grief and despair, take heart and know you’re not alone. To some, the holidays may be a time of great sadness, rather than pure joy. Please take the opportunity to reach out to someone and wish them well, without the expectation of reciprocation. Because isn’t that what Jesus taught us when he was born in a manger? To be love to others, even among the mess.
““Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death.””
