Heart-Tied
Isaac was born with both a tongue and lip tie. This is a congenital condition in which the frenulum under the tongue, as well as the upper lip, is abnormally short and tight. It can cause the baby to be unable to latch correctly, if at all, have weight gain issues, or develop jaundice, colic, and/or acid reflux. For the mama, it causes excruciating pain during feeds, damaged nipples, engorgement, etc.
In short, it SUCKS.
Within the first 2 months of Isaac’s life, he had undergone two procedures to release the ties, was classified as “failure to thrive” due to his lack of weight gain, had appointments several times per week (chiropractor, speech therapist, lactation consultant), and was eventually put on acid reflux medication. It was a very tough time for all of us.
Side note: if you or someone you know suspects tongue or lip tie issues, please read this article and reach out to someone to get help. Breastfeeding can be painful and seem impossible but can also be one of the BEST experiences for you and your infant’s bonding relationship.
One of my close friends set up a meal train after his birth. For 6 weeks straight, we had friends and family members delivering a hot, homemade meal (and sometimes dessert!) to our doorstep. It was one of the biggest blessings to our family at that time. At the start, I felt a strange urge to “pay” them back and talked about handing out gifts to everyone as they came by. My mother jokingly referred to it as “party favors”.
“Call it pride or denial, I always felt like I could take care of myself and didn’t accept help very easily.”
And yet, when the tables are turned, I am absolutely HONORED to help a friend in need. In fact, it usually helps strengthen our friendship and bring us even closer together. Because when you strip away pride and perfection and demolish the wall we put around ourselves, friendship can be oh so rewarding.
One of my favorite friendships in the Bible is between David and Jonathan, son of King Saul. The Bible says that “there was an immediate bond between them.” They let nothing come between them (even career and family problems), their friendship strengthened during hard times, and they remained friends until death. Even when Jonathan, the prince of Israel, learned that David would be the next king instead of himself, they still remained friends.
True friendship shouldn’t be easy… or entirely comfortable at first. If it is – without any bumps along the way – then you’re not going deep enough. The key is allowing yourself to become vulnerable and exposing the real MESS in your life. Allowing friends IN when you’re not at your best also allows for the shattering of perceptions and intimidation. Yes, it’s terrifying, but so so worth it.
“A true friend fills you up, in places you didn’t even know were empty.”
I have to be completely honest about something… making friends has never come easy to me. I am good at topical, light-hearted, once-in-a-while friendships but TRUE friendship is a different story.
I partly blame my Army-brat childhood. Like I mentioned here, we moved around a lot. Every 3 years, I was saying goodbye to friends and then entering new cafeterias, looking for a table to sit at. (I ate lunch in the hall more times than I can count.) I was always afraid to really open myself up to others for fear of the inevitable goodbyes. So I looked for easy friendships, rather than real friendships.
I had my heart hurt several times by people I thought were real friends and then most likely hurt others in the same way. But in the end, after years of learning and praying for soul-connecting friends, God blessed me with forever friends that I am so incredibly grateful for.
“True friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we enter into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves…
“…We have to give something up in order to get friendship like that. We have to give up our need to be perceived as perfect. We have to give up our ability to control what people think of us. We have to overcome the fear that when they see the depths of who we are, they’ll leave.
But what we give up is nothing compared to what this kind of friendship gives us.” - Shauna Niequist
